Compartmentalize

This is fresh from the oven. You know that scripture where Jesus said “love one another as I have loved you?”

I give you a new command: Love each other. You must love each other just as I loved you.

John 13:34 Easy Version:

And he continued to emphasize that “You must love each in this and way everyone will know you are my disciples”.

Have you witnessed that kind of love? I present to you that there is a struggle about “LOVE”, why? Oh, why? It should be simple to love.

If we follow the commandment “ Love your neighbor as you love yourself” I dared to ask God, can we love each other the way you want us to? The answer I got I want to share because it opened my eyes to how we have been groomed to be so narrow-minded. 

You see, anywhere you use the word love it will be taken to mean different things. Yes, there are different kinds of love. I want just to pick one; Love of God, ‘Agape’. Love that we all have and enables us to love others; by simply being civilized and descent to another human being. The Amplified puts it this way John 13:35….by this everyone will know that you are My disciples if you have love and unselfish concern for one another”.

The first bone of contention is we are becoming more and more self-centered. It is not totally our fault, it is the environment we humans have created with gadgets that can keep us occupied and satisfied not to seek communication with others. Our Socializing skills are going away and no one seems to pay any attention. Our phones are our best friends. When you meet someone new, if that connection is going anywhere the conversations will lead to: “Let me have your contact” or “Here is my phone number, call me.” Emails are used mostly for business. I remember when I was young and I was away from home, I would write long letters to my parents and then I would wait anywhere between 3 to 6 months to get a reply! 

I still remember the comfort it gave me to hear my parents’ love and praise and the confidence they had in me that I was going to succeed and come home and do something big! If I had a question I would write and wait just as long to get an answer. Somehow we had no choice but to wait. It built patience in us and it somehow forced us to find solace and company in the surroundings. I learned to know other cultures and even develop a liking for some things that I still like up to today. Friendships were more meaningful and one took time out to engage verbally with each other. On many occasions to have tea time, take coffee breaks, and luncheons. I have not had a teatime with anyone for a long time, somehow it is not an American culture that I have adopted. There is a camaraderie that I miss from those days long ago. If we went for a coffee break we sat down and talked and looked each other in the face. There was a warmth from one human being to another. Agape love was felt.

Today if I go out with someone, I hate to admit my phone is within hands reach and the same for the other person. I have an excuse that my children are far away, and my job may need to verify a scheduled time or a client might need to talk to me about something. Am I being selfish? Do I love the other person enough to switch my phone off for the duration we are together and give them my undivided attention? It is possible to adjust. It calls for an intentional decision, a discipline in which I have an obligation to think about the other person’s needs, not just mine. That is God’s love flowing through me. Why? Because we are social beings and talking on the phone alone doesn’t quite cut it. It keeps the connection alive but what really brings life alive is seeing eyes and as conductors to our souls, they see deep inside where our ears cannot see! LOL! Love is communicated through eyes, and when it becomes personal, through a touch.

Love of human beings has a healing effect, when we care about others and share, so many doors can open and some that are redundant can close.

Safe love has to be given room in what I have learned; COMPARTMENTALIZATION.

This is a big word that just simply means to divide into sections or categories. You see, we have the general population that we see and maybe don’t interact with but we can smile if our eyes meet or greet if we know them. Then there are those we come into contact with often, we see them, we acknowledge them and we exchange pleasantries. Then we might be brought to close proximity with a stranger on a flight or bus or train for hours on end. Many times, I close myself up and don’t engage in any kind of communication if someone that I don’t know sits too close, especially now with the fear of COVID-19 being here. But I have very many great conversations with people I met on flights that warmed my heart even though the connection was temporary.

The most unfortunate thing is that we have put in COMPARTMENTS and we have locked the doors and thrown away the keys. The compartments are riddled with emotions that are like live electrical wires. Love needs to be allowed into it. 

You see some people did something a long time ago that hurt us so deeply and we locked them up somewhere and we feel safe that we are not going to think and talk about them. When we hear their name, silent sparks shoot up and affect everything we are doing. We are brittle and touchy and we pretend we have it together. We have shut the door against the one force that heals and makes things okay, LOVE. 

We can’t love others if we are not allowing love from others to flow into us. We need to do an inventory and make sure we haven’t locked up anyone in those compartments that we need to forgive. And forgiveness has to be verbalized, and it needs to be heard.

The safe way to categorize is okay because even Jesus did not relate with all his disciples the same way he had three that were in his inner circle but he was kind and benevolent with all. The walls of the Compartments in our hearts need to be softened by love. The ingredients that make loving easy are mercy, goodness, kindness and empathy just to name a few. We can try to put ourselves in other people’s situations by being merciful. If you have everything you need or want you are among the few in the whole wide world. People who lack basic necessities are vulnerable to abuse and temptation. If you put yourself in their shoes you can afford to be kind, you can practise generosity. Just be open to hearing others out, everyone has a story. Next episode I will share my personal story from this aspect.