The Power Of Agreement

It is not a mystery that agreement is a powerful force. 

Actually, everything is controlled one way or the other by it. Even inert things that don’t have life are governed by agreement one way or the other. Take salt for example. It is a combination of two chemicals that are powerful on their own and very corrosive: chlorine when poured on a dark coloured cloth can bleach the darkest color and even cause the material to disintegrate. Sodium is equally corrosive on its own but when the two chemicals come together, somehow they mellow and create a very useful compound, that not only helps us enjoy food but also preserves it too.

I use this analogy because I want to talk about the power of agreement in human relationships, with ourselves and with others. I remember an incident where I was interacting with a friend. This particular relationship was always about who they were and always trying to make me look like her! I shudder! We do not have to be alike to be friends and dare I say it is impossible because we are created differently. It  would be boring if we were all alike don’t you think?

The worst thing about it was that even in prayer, we couldn’t agree. Don’t pray with someone who tells you after you have prayed, “but you know that may not be God’s will” The buts need to be addressed before you pray, because when you pray sincerely, you need to come to an agreement, a consensus that what you are praying about is God’s will to be done here on earth. You have to be in agreement.

You see, it is impossible to have a harmonious relationship if both parties are not agreeable.

I had talked of conflict resolution in an earlier post and the number one cause of it stems from the fact that we are all different. Each one of us is unique, with different strengths and weaknesses. We can build up and we can pull down too. I marvel how somehow in nature, opposites attract, otherwise the world wouldn’t exist for any relationship whether two or more, there has to be an understanding before the undertaking. 

The world is harmonious in many places because of silent agreements being in place.

What do I mean by that you ask, well, you have to have a mutual agreement to exist anywhere for there are rules and regulations that govern the world so we can coexist peacefully with one another.

It took me a long time to get to know me and understand my strengths and my weaknesses. Back in the day I would come into a relationship with an inferiority complex because I did not understand who I was. The result was years of compromise on my side because I was trying to fit into a mold to please the other person. I am not just talking about relationships with the opposite sex but also regular platonic relationships with other women and men.  I didn’t understand that I am fearfully made and intricately mysterious. The world made me think that I needed to be a certain shape and size to fit in it or to be acceptable! No! My thinking affected everything I did and I strived to be the best in everything that I did because I agreed with the world! I did not know what I know today and that is why I am writing. 

I don’t conform to the standard of the world. I weigh every belief and interaction with everyone on the basis of who God is. He is the creator of us all. It does not make me agreeable with everything I see or hear; The knowledge and understanding I have gained gives me an edge to engage with mutual respect for the other person as well as respect for myself as an individual. Knowing that I have something unique to add to any relationship.

I don’t waste time on futile debates because I know if I am not being heard or I am not hearing I am probably in the wrong place; because two can not walk together unless they agree! 

The beauty of a good relationship is the freedom of enjoying one another’s presence without the pressure of trying to fit into a particular mold or expectation. It is knowing you are safe in your uniqueness and you don’t have to be a performer, just be the best you can be without pressure.

This is a revelation that is helping me build better relationships realizing I can’t change others and no one can change who I am, only God. 

Loving others comes with the power of agreeing with God that the way He has made the other person is perfect for who they are and what they need to do. And when two individuals who are filled with that knowledge come together, they are a force that can create a peaceful atmosphere for them and for the world.

Remember, the power of agreement is not manipulative or self seeking, it is always looking out for the best interest of the other but not diminishing your own, because we are created with enough capacity.

I found this out in a roundabout way, that the power of agreement actually needs to be effective in my own life with me and myself first.

For example: I have been on numerous diets for weight loss for most of my adult life. I believed the lie that I was obese, or I was not an acceptable size. Thank God for the gift of the camera! I have looked back at many pictures and realized lack of knowledge is what did me in. 

In some incidents I don’t look as fat as I thought I was at that particular time when I engaged in endless tortures to be skinny. I would deny myself food to accomplish this task only ending up failing and believing I was a failure. Then I’d eat some more and repeat the vicious circle and I cannot tell you the misery I have been through because of that one missguided agreement. 

Recently though, actually about 3 years ago, I embarked on a lifestyle, (notice I did not say diet)  because I agreed with myself that what I needed is a lifestyle that agrees with my body and my persona and it has been heaven on earth.

I now enjoy what I eat when I eat and I have come to a good size and figure that I am happy with that is good for my health and age. 

All the endless diets one does because it worked for someone may not be the right one for you and you end up feeling more miserable. Age is a long time educator, one tries so many things and eventually one finds what is best for them. 

So now I don’t diet, I live and I eat to live. I follow a protocol that does not put me in a box. I have guiding eating rules for everyday and enjoy all others in moderation when I desire. I don’t go overboard and I agree that moderation in everything is wisdom. 

This reminds me of a time I got a real blessing when I bumped into a friendship that started not like the other. 

It was with a lady full of grace who had struggled with her weight and found out her own lifestyle and when we came together, initially it was because of work and I was still struggling with the weight issue. 

When we became friends, we were brought together by the grief we shared after both our husbands passed. We would meet once a week to celebrate our husbands and while consoling one another in our grief. She would never judge or comment on what I was eating or what I was wearing. That was a game changer and huge for me because I have been in friendships with fellow women as “friends” who did not know better, but the fault truly is all mine for letting me be the victim. I am better and wiser. 

This lady who is gracious and non judgemental actually motivated me to be who I am today. I am not looking to be skinny, I just want to be able to move at my age without my knees or hips hurting, that is what the excess weight was doing to my health. 

The other thing I love about our friendship amongst many, many bonuses is we have a mutual respect for one another and a bond forged by a silent power of agreement. We never engage in topics that don’t go anywhere. We know to leave topics alone that will bring discord. She’s a republican and I am a democrat. She is white, I am black, but we agree with how God made us different and remain grateful for the fullness of joy we bring into each other’s lives.

God wants us to love each other y’all, and to do so with a pure, unpretentious love. It all starts by accepting oneself, then accepting others just the way they are.

He has created us all. I am grateful if you are reading this and I am praying for God to help you build powerful relationships around you, because you have the ability and the power. You are one of a kind, you need to be celebrated not tolerated. If you are in a relationship where there is more argument than agreement check and make the necessary change. 

Two can not walk together unless they agree and like we mentioned earlier, agreement is powerful.

Agree with God.

Agree with yourself.

Bring your power into relationships to build not to break. It creates a better world than when we are busy trying to fix each other or biting each other’s heads off, don’t you think?! LOL